


You Can't Always Get What You Wan't

by AnotherDayInHistory



Series: What You Want [1]
Category: The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: F/M, Sort of Infidelity (though not really)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 08:29:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5620252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherDayInHistory/pseuds/AnotherDayInHistory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein Blake discovers a new affinity for the Rolling Stones, and Gwen and Blake sleep alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can't Always Get What You Wan't

**Author's Note:**

> So this was inspired by the GIFset I found on the shefani daily tumblr. It's the one where they are lip-syncing that '80s song to each other. The last GIF in the set, the one where they're done and Blake licks his lips and Gwen blushes then smiles, is the one that inspired me the most. My muse got ahold of me, and voila. Here it is.
> 
> I do not mean to condone cheating or even thinking about cheating here. I just wrote what came to me from the GIF; it's probably not true.

He’s not sure what possesses him to agree to a lip-sync duet with Gwen on national television. However, in the deepest darkest parts of his mind, he thinks it might have something to do with wanting to make her laugh (because her laugh is a little bit harsh and bracing but is also like the most sweet of songbirds singing in pre-dawn in the woods and he’s addicted to it though he doesn’t know why). 

 

They’ve only known each other for five months. He’s known of her, of course (though not in any great detail, he is a country boy at heart after all), but Miranda was a casual fan and he’d heard the punk music in her car sometimes when he drove with her (which wasn’t lately, they weren’t doing much of anything lately other than being as far from each other as possible and it made Blake happier and more miserable at the same time).. He didn’t pay her any mind other than realizing she existed until she was announced as being the new judge on the show. He’d watched her perform and something about her had magnetized him and made him unlucky to look away. Even though he’d thought the song was a little bit dumb (and that’s something he’d never ever tell her because he thought it might hurt her feelings and as a Southern gentleman he wasn’t in the habit of hurting womens’ feelings),  there was something about her face as she sang that had him mesmerized. 

 

It was probably that same magnetism that led him to go home that night to his cold, lonely, empty house (Miranda had been on tour and things were good between them, then) and watch some of her music videos on YouTube. He remembers sitting in his den with a drink in his hand, Betty’s head in his lap and Cash’s tail wagging over his bare feet, and nearly in tears over her eyes.  There was something about her facial expressions in her videos while she was singing, something about the way the camera would pan close and catch every emotion on her face. He couldn’t tear his eyes away, couldn’t blink for fear he’d miss one emotion. 

 

When she’d met with them in their first production meeting before the show started, she’d brought her baby. Her husband had been in a meeting and her nanny was off scouting spaces for her new childcare center, and Gwen had okayed it with the producers. Blake remembers seeing her walk in with your typical baby sling, an adorable chubby little boy with his fist wrapped around Gwen’s lapel. She’d been walking in five inch heels, dressed to the nines, and had baby slobber on her suit jacket. She’d smiled then, shaking each judge’s hand while one wrapped around her son’s head, stroking his hair. When she’d gotten to Blake, she’d looked up at smiled wide at him, and goosebumps had pimpled up his arms. He covered it with a small clear of his throat and smiled back (it was real, not one of his fake ones that he sometimes had to use that he knew weren’t attractive and were really too transparent but he couldn’t do anything about it; he couldn’t invent his happiness where none existed). He held her hand a millisecond too long and had broken away with an apology, feeling red flood over his cheeks. 

 

They’d sat down then and started discussing the upcoming season. It just so happened that Gwen was sitting by Blake, and her little boy had been right in his eyesight. It was no secret that Blake loved children (some of his favorite contestants had been those with young kids he could be tackled by and play with as he got closer to them), and so he’d done what he would normally do in this situation. As soon as Apollo’s face started to screw up a little and Gwen had thrown him a little concerned expression, Blake had made a silly, ridiculous face in his direction to get him to laugh. It had worked like a charm, and his little baby giggle had made warmth flood through Blake’s body. Gwen had smiled at him gratefully and widely, rubbing her hand over her son’s back and continuing her conversation.

As the first few months went on, he found himself talking to Gwen more than not. While Pharrell was great and kind, he was a little quiet for Blake’s taste (nothing wrong with it; Pharrell was one of the kindest people Blake had ever met but Blake could be a little obnoxious sometimes and he felt like sometimes Pharell was overwhelmed by that a little). They’d bicker back and forth and during commercial breaks he would tell her jokes to make her laugh, relishing the sound of it and loving the way her head threw back as her mouth opened wide.  He loved her energy, loved the way she would dance around the stage and how she was so touchy feely with everyone she met, just like he was. 

 

They’d have serious conversation too. He remembers once when all of the coaches had gone out to dinner and Gwen had been showing Blake some pictures of her kids on her phone (she had seemed reluctant until Blake told her that he loved kids and would truly love to see them. She believed him because they spent a half hour going through photos and it had felt like ten seconds to Blake). She’d looked at him as he grabbed her phone to smile at a picture of Apollo with Gavin’s guitar, mouth poised over the top like he was about to chew it as he sat there with an impish look on his face. 

 

“ Do you want kids?” Gwen had suddenly asked quietly. As soon as she asked, her mouth opened wide and she blushed wildly, slapping her hands over her mouth. “ Oh my god i’m so sorry that was so personal.” She mumbled, shaking her head at herself a little. He hadn’t been able to help himself then and touched her arm.

 

“ Gwen it’s fine, “ He said gently. She’d still looked uncertain, but her expression had been so earnest. Even though they’d only known each other a couple of months, he found himself wanting to pour out his soul to her. “ I’d love ‘em, but ‘Ran’s not so keen, “ he smiled half-heartedly then, a little sadly. She stared at him in sympathy from his left side, in the booth, and the world had narrowed down just to the two of them (no one else was paying attention anyways because Adam was acting like a dweeb to his girlfriend and Pharrell was on his phone finishing a conversation to his wife). 

 

“ She could change her mind, “ Gwen said softly. Blake scoffed a little. 

 

“ Ran? Naw. She’s as stubborn as they come, “ Blake cleared his throat, “ Plus we’d have to spend more than a day with each other to even hav’ the conversation, and that ain’t gonna happen anytime soon, “ He recognized the signs of his drawl getting deeper and to his mortification he felt a slight wetness behind his eyelids. That had been one of the biggest sore spots in their marriage, his desire to have kids and her complete lack of interest. She’d told him she was interested before they’d gotten married, when they’d had the conversation about commitment, but nowadays anytime the subject was brought up she’d tell him all the reasons why it wasn’t a good idea. Even as he was accepting that it wasn’t going to happen with them, that he’d never get his kids, he still had dreams of a curly haired little girl shouting ‘Daddy!’ as she jumped into his arms and the dreams made his heart hurt in a way only soothed by strong liquor. 

 

“ I’m sorry, “ Gwen broke him out of his stupor and rubbed his arm. He shook his head a little and coughed. He half-heartedly smiled at her, and he knew she could see right through it but it’s all he had, right then.

 

“ Naw, it’s fine. So how’s little dude?” He changed the subject and she accepted it, gushing about her youngest son in the way a mother could. He grinned at her enthusiasm and ate his sandwich, suddenly hungry in a way he hadn’t been in weeks. 

 

It’s as they were leaving the restaurant, waiting for the valets for their respective cars, that she spoke about their serious conversation again. He was standing with one hand in his pocket and the other on his phone. He’d felt a tap on his wrist and he’d looked at her. She had her keys in her hand, her car having pulled up in front of her. She hugged him then, standing on her tiptoes to be able to wrap her arms around his neck. She kissed his cheek chastely.  “ Apollo was an accident you know, “ She murmured gently. “ We didn’t plan him, and Gavin didn’t want him, still doesn’t. You’re not the only one who sleeps alone.” The smile she gave him then was so sad (and so much like his) and he wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her again but he resisted, letting her get into her car and drive away. 

 

It’s when they’ve known each other for five months that he agrees to the goddamn lip-sync duet. He’s seeing more and more sadness in her smile, these days, and he’s determined to make his part as cheesy and goofy as possible and hopefully break her first. He knows it’ll be a question of who breaks first; one of them is bound to laugh and where one of them laughs the other one soon follows (he knows that from the show; the number of laughs they share together is totally astonishing). The determination to make it goofy lasts until he looks into her eyes in the first part of the song. He sees so much emotion there and love too (although he knows it’s probably fake for the song he still sees it) and he can’t help but echo it back (and his isn’t fake and oh fucking god he is so totally screwed this can’t be happening to him again it can’t) and they go through the song like that. She gets more and more into it and so does it, and he cups her cheek with one hand and one point and he feels her shiver a little as he looks down at her. 

 

Midway through the song, he starts to realize that her emotion might not be fake either. And fuck if he knows what to do with that.

 

By the end of the song, they’re both in so deep he doesn’t even know. When the last strains echo it’s all he can do to lick his lips and nod his head, trying to shake himself out of it. He see’s her blush deeply and smile at him, a soft smile he’s never seen from her before. She shakes her head a little too, and they finish up their segment on the show and leave the stage.

 

He’s in his dressing room five minutes later, finishing packing up his small bag that he brought with him, when there’s a frantic knock at his door. Furrowing his brow, he clicks his phone off and sticks it in his pocket, looking forward to a cold drink and the comfort of his bed (because nothing can take the edge of this horrible fucking day of realizing he wants someone he can’t have then getting properly drunk). He opens his door and his eyes widen when he sees Gwen standing there, in the same outfit she was in for the taping, hair a little more mussed and hands wringing in front of her.

 

“ Hey, “ he says, trying for nonchalant (he’s not sure that it works). He grabs his bag with his other hand, starting to follow her out the door. In a flash, she’s looks to her left and to her right and grabs ahold of his lapels, pushing him back into the room and shutting the door behind them. His bag falls to the floor as she stands on her tippiest toes to kiss him.

 

He stands there in shock for a moment, hands suspended above the air even as hers are wrapping around his neck. He knows he should pull her off, should explain that they can’t do this and that the moment was the result of a song taken too seriously but it’s her smile, her laugh, her eyes, her blush, that make him kiss her back. It’s amazing. 

 

As soon as his arms wrap around her waist to pull her more firmly against him, she groans a little and within seconds the kiss has gone from firm to filthy. Their tongues mesh and she tastes like chocolate and peppermint, and her hair feels like silk around his fingers and her body like hard steel against his own. It’s the best kiss of his life, and he’s dreading the moment that it was over. 

 

It’s when he feels himself start to get a little hard that he breaks away; and she seems to realize the same thing at the same time because she shoves away from his lips with a pant. She doesn’t go far though, with his arms around her waist and her feet suspended off the ground (and when the hell that had happened Blake didn’t know). They nuzzle against each other for a second, noses brushing and foreheads leaning and shared panted breaths, before she reaches down with her feet and steps away from him. 

 

She’s staring at him then with wide eyes and shocked mouth, and he’s doing the same to her. It’s as if the gravity of what they just did sunk in all at once, and they’re both speechless. She brings a hand to her mouth then to wipe at the lipstick that’s smeared around it, and he starts to do the same. She walks over to the vanity in the room and rummages through the top drawer, pulling out a pack of makeup wipes and taking two, handing him one silently. Without noise, they clean the red around their mouths, and for Blake it’s like ripping his heart in two with every swipe. 

 

“ Holy fuck i’m so sorry, “ She whispers, and her eyes fill a little as she looks anywhere but him. He clears his throat.

 

“ Me too, “ He murmurs. She laughs then, a harsh, bitter noise that he’s never heard from her.

 

“ Why are you sorry? I’m the one who practically mauled you,” She murmured the last words and looked to the ground. 

 

“ As you could tell I wasn’t complainin’,” His words make her shoot her head up and look at him. Finally. She’s shaking her head then, over and over.

 

“ This can’t happen again, “ At her words, he feels sad but resigned. He knows it’s true. He’s married and so is she. She has an infant and he has a marriage to try (with all his heart ) to salvage (because he loves her, he does). 

 

“ No it can’t, “ He says back just as quietly. They stare at each other for a moment, both acknowledging what they can’t say (that even though it’s wrong and it can’t happen again they want it to because they are both so so goddamn lonely and tired of loving more than being loved and just wanted someone to worship them and they think the other might be it but they can’t, they can’t because its wrong and Gwen’s not a cheater and Blake isn’t anymore and Ran is his one and his only and… so many other things that they can’t verbalize or even think about). 

 

They leave then, going their separate ways. It’s awkward for a few weeks, both of them spending much less time together and trying hard to interact with people other than each other. It’s not until Blake pokes fun at not knowing any of her songs and she hits him with her rolled up notebook in front of the audience that he feels like they’re back to normal, or at least some semblance of it. She pokes fun at his plaid the next minute, exaggerating his Southern drawl, and he nearly laughs himself to tears at her when she stumbles over too many ‘ya’lls.’ 

 

When he’s sitting at home, alone (again), drink in his hand (again), later the night before the  finale after having a screaming fight with Miranda over the phone and texting Gwen funny pictures of dogs (because he had a reason to up until the show was over and it was over tomorrow night and oh god he didn’t want it to be) until he’d gotten an _omigod shut up you dork_ back with a laughing emoticon that he thinks of the Rolling Stones, of all things. He’s never been a huge fan of their music, just something about it doesn’t resonate with him the way other songs do. Quite honestly, he thinks Mick Jagger is overrated, ridiculous dance moves aside. However, he thinks of one of their lyrics then. 

 

 _You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need._ He wouldn’t ever have Gwen, he wouldn’t get what he wanted (which was to kiss her and know what she sounded like as he entered her and be able to cuddle her boys and share her life and hear her laugh just for him), but he had what he needed to survive (which was booze and her as a friend and Adam and his show). It had to be enough. Had to. Would be. As he drains the drops of booze from his cup, he wonders why he’s not certain that it will. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments feed the monster! I'm on fire with writing, but any story ideas you have i'd love to hear!


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